Red Letter Edition: Managing Anger and Pursuing Reconciliation: Practical Steps from Scripture.
Do you ever find yourself intentionally nurturing your anger? Let's be truthful here. At times, it's difficult to release the grip of offense caused by others. We humans have a knack for rationalizing negative mindsets and wrongdoings. It's likely that someone posed a question to Jesus along the lines of, "So, how much time can I hold onto my anger and resentment towards my enemy before I'm compelled to resolve it?" After all, we've grown up hearing the adage, "Revenge is a dish best served cold."
Last week we looked at The Power and Perils of Anger (Matthew 5:21-22). This week let’s explore how to deal with the anger that rises in our hearts. Jesus said,
“Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or your adversary may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. Truly I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny” (Matthew 5:25-26).
Observe how Jesus examines the process of reconciliation from both perspectives. He doesn't place the responsibility of reconciliation solely on the wrongdoer; instead, he anticipates that the person who was wronged will also try to reconcile. This is because feelings of offense can potentially lead us toward thoughts of revenge and harm.
We must promptly resolve our conflicts. The more we allow things to simmer, the more challenging it becomes to mend the rift. In this passage, Jesus strongly implies a connection to eternal damnation (recall his earlier mention of the risk of hellfire). Why? Because siblings were unwilling to set aside their pride and resolve their issues. Instead, their anger propelled them further from God.
In Ephesians 4:26-27, Paul instructs us not to not let the sun go down on our anger. Why? Paul emphasizes that failing to address our anger promptly creates an opportunity for the devil to gain a foothold.
So, as a believer, what actions can I take to handle my anger and actively move toward reconciliation? I've been reading articles from Covenant Keepers about anger and marriage and gathered a few practical and essential suggestions.
Choose to take control of your anger. You can manage yourself, and the Holy Spirit will assist you. Pause and pray for guidance when needed.
Submit to the guidance of the Holy Spirit. When you pause and pray, actively listen to the direction of the Holy Spirit and then carry out His instructions.
Prevent minor issues from growing into substantial resentment. Address matters promptly; don't delay. Handle them to the best of your ability while they're still small.
Regain control over your thoughts. How? Start by praying. Additionally, slow down and analyze the reasons behind your anger and the person you're directing it towards. Jot down your thoughts and then discard the paper.
Develop a reconciliation plan quickly to prevent giving the devil an opportunity to foster division, resentment, bitterness, and the like.
Committing to follow Christ means committing to act as an ambassador of reconciliation. In this role, we reject participating in gossip or attempting to uncover negative information about those who have harmed us. Instead, we invoke the Spirit's assistance to rise above pain, communicate truth with love, and build bridges leading to forgiveness.
Christ's followers are equally committed to confronting offenses in accordance with God's word. Matthew 18:15-20 details the process of church discipline, but the principles in this passage can also be applied on an individual level. Initially, we approach the person privately to seek a resolution. Should they reject our attempts, we involve a trusted, impartial friend for assistance. The aim is to achieve reconciliation through these steps. However, if these efforts prove unsuccessful, the next course of action involves bringing the matter before church leaders (assuming the individual is a believer).
What if the person dismisses our efforts for reconciliation? Release the situation and commit it to the Lord, actively seeking His aid to prevent bitterness or revenge. Occasionally, it's crucial to let matters settle temporarily, providing room for the Lord to influence our friend's heart. Maintain a consistent attitude of prayer and be watchful for an opportunity to extend a hand and repair the relationship.
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