Red Letter Edition: The Power of Promises and Integrity - A Path to Trust and Better Relationships
Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one (Matthew 5:33-37)
In our fast-paced world, it's easy for integrity to take a backseat. Yet, the value of honesty and truthfulness shines as a beacon of hope, lighting the way toward building better relationships and a more trustworthy society. Let's explore the impact of promises, keeping things simple and straightforward.
Picture this: On the brink of despair in a plush hospital room, a wealthy businessman makes a promise to God. He says, "If You heal me, I'll give the church $1 million." Miraculously, he recovers but conveniently forgets his commitment to God. Sound familiar? Unfortunately, this scenario is all too common. Why? Because we have a crisis of honesty plaguing our world.
In “The Day America Told the Truth,” James Patterson and Peter Kim offer some shocking facts about Americans:
91% admit to lying regularly.
86% confess to lying to their parents regularly.
69% admit to lying to their spouses consistently.
75% say they lie to their friends.
50% regularly call in sick to work when they're not.
Sadly, these statistics apply to Christians too. They steal, falsify taxes, and commit plagiarism just like everyone else. While the world looks for light to guide it from darkness, those who possess the light of the world hide it under a bowl. Somewhere along the way, the Bible’s emphasis on truthfulness and integrity has been set aside for the sake of money, popularity, and false peace.
Yet, as believers, we cannot ignore the reality that the Bible places importance on honesty. Leviticus 19:12 says, "Do not swear falsely by my name." In Numbers 30:2, it's clear: "When you make a vow, do it." Deuteronomy 23:21 adds, "If you make a vow, keep it."
In Matthew 5:33-37, Jesus moves from discussing commitment in marriage to addressing faithfulness in all our relationships. He challenges his followers to live at a higher level, setting them apart from the ways of the world. Here, we are called to uphold our commitments, even when it involves personal sacrifice.
Jesus uses the common practice of making oaths to illustrate the need for integrity in their dealings with others. The Pharisees taught that breaking promises to people is okay, but not God. This led to meaningless oaths.
The Pharisees and Scribes started teaching folks something like this: "You can freely make and break promises with your neighbors, friends, and family without it being a sin. But if you promise something to the Lord and swear an oath, you can't break it, or that's a sin." (see Matthew 23:16-19).
Because of this mistaken teaching, people made promises to others and then swore to keep those promises. They might say things like, "I promise by the temple," or "I swear by God's throne," or "I pledge... by the earth... by Jerusalem... by the altar... by my head..." But these promises were empty because they couldn't give these things as guarantees.
Today, we hear people say, "I swear on my life" or "I swear on my mother's grave.” We are not the giver or taker of life. We do not possess the power or authority to use someone else's life as a guarantee for our business dealings.
So, how do we keep our integrity and live above the trappings of this world? Simple: Let your "yes" mean "yes" and your "no" mean "no." Think before you make promises, and always be ready to fulfill them—no matter the cost.
Integrity isn't just a concept for leadership books and TEDx talks; it's a way of life. My dad was a builder and often needed construction loans to get a job started. He would walk into the Waynesville National Bank, ask for the bank president, and on a handshake, receive the needed funds. This practice no longer exists due to a lack of integrity (by the banks and the borrowers).
I purchased my first home from a bank repossession. The previous owners borrowed the money and never made the first payment. They had no intention of ever paying for the house and before leaving, let their children paint the walls with fingernail polish, punch holes in the drywall, and pour bleach all over the carpets.
There is an expectation that those who do not follow Christ will act without integrity. Unfortunately, this is not always the case.
The first church I pastored had a bad reputation in the town for buying stuff on credit and not paying. Somehow, the leadership developed the attitude that everyone owed the church a donation. One of the first things I did was go around to those stores, make sure we were all up to date on our payments, and then speak to the owners and ask for their forgiveness. I didn’t create the problem, but I had to be the one who would restore the integrity of the church.
If, as Jesus says, our righteousness is to exceed that of the Scribes and Pharisees, then we should be people who can be trusted to keep our promises and live with integrity of heart. By embracing integrity, we can rebuild trust and strengthen relationships. But how is this done? Here are some thoughts that might help.
First, let the Scriptures be the light illuminating all your paths. Knowing the word of God is wonderful; doing it is better. The Scriptures are filled with examples of those who practiced integrity of heart even in very difficult situations. Reading their stories gives us a model for how to act in this world.
Second, pray for God’s help to keep your integrity. Sounds like religious talk, but it really does work. When we pray, asking the Holy Spirit to help us keep our hearts right, He will answer by giving us wisdom. James 1:5 says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."
Third, seek out accountability to help you walk upright in all your relationships. Surround yourself with people who hold you to your word. Give other godly people permission to examine your actions and decisions so you can stay on the path of integrity.
Finally, learn the practice of reflection and repentance. If you fall short of living with integrity, take time to reflect on your actions and repent. Turn back to God and strive to do better. Luke says, "Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord” (Acts 3:19).
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